Poetry and Whimsical Loss

Content: Casey at the Bat

Introduction: For anyone who loves baseball and the spoken word, Casey at the Bat is required reading. Originally written in 1885 by a former Harvard Lampoon author for a Hearst paper, its spirit is adequately summed up by Albert Spalding (a late 19th century pitcher, who started with the original Boston Red Stockings club that is better known today as the Atlanta Braves): “Love has its sonnets galore. War has its epics in heroic verse. Tragedy its sombre story in measured lines. Baseball has Casey at the Bat.”

Dream’s Age at Introduction: 4 or 5

Reason for That Age: Dream has no idea what he or she is in for as a sports fan. God help this child if it does not have a deep and abiding love for the Boston Red Sox. I’m a fan of baseball the game, and my favorite baseball team is the Boston Red Sox. This distinguishing me from my wife in a subtle way: She is a fan of the Boston Red Sox, and because they play baseball, she suffers baseball. If the Red Sox played curling, she would watch curling. If they baked, she would watch baking. But because the Sox play baseball, she likes to have baseball on in the background almost every night during the season. So everyone’s life will be a little bit easier if Dream likes baseball and the Red Sox. So Casey at the Bat needs to come into his or her life at the junction of baseball awareness and the ability to listen to a poem for 10 minutes. I think 4 or 5 is a good age for that.

What I Want Dream to Get Out of It: Two things: A greater love of spoken word poetry and an appreciation that you must always try. No matter how good you are at anything, if you don’t try you lose.

Be content,
John

"Talk weird you would if puppet with hand up ass you were" - Star Wars at the Right Time in the Right Order

Content: Star Wars bi-trilogy

Introduction: Growing up, my friend Jenny was fond of saying that there were only three worthwhile wars in all of human history: the Civil War, World War II, and Star Wars. Prior to 1999, many people agreed with Hooper X from Chasing Amy, who called it “the Holy Trilogy.” For many people my age, the original Star Wars trilogy is not just pop culture or great movies. They’re American myth, Joseph Campbell made real and internalized in our hearts and souls. And despite George Lucas’ best efforts to turn an American culture quasi-religious experience into a vehicle for Happy Meal sales, the Star Wars series (and I’m going to include the cartoon movie The Clone Wars in this conversation for the sake of completeness) remains one of the most significant monuments of American culture.

Dream’s Age at Introduction: 5 for A New Hope, and we’ll go from there in the order that the films appeared in the theaters. The prequels will remain just that; they will not become the first three movies of the franchise.

Reason for That Age: The original Star Wars movie, A New Hope, is really a fairy tale played out on a movie screen. It’s Jack and the Beanstalk or Aladdin: A young boy goes on an adventure larger than he ever could have imagined and becomes a hero. Under that classification, A New Hope is appropriate at almost any age.; whenever you start reading fairy tales to your kids, they are old enough to watch A New Hope. But I disagree for two reasons. First, having the visuals to accompany the story is scary for little kids, and the visuals for Star Wars fantastic. Second, I want Dream to appreciate the importance of what he or she is watching. These aren’t just fun movies. They are a cultural milestone and Dream should be properly pumped up to watch them.

As noted above, I’ll start Dream on A New Hope and move on from there, exposing the child to each movie in the order in which they were released, preventing Dream from viewing the movies in their “proper” order. This is for several reasons.

• First, and most importantly, screw you George Lucas. If you are blessed enough to give birth to historically relevant content that affects millions of people, you don’t get to mess around with it after the fact. Da Vinci didn’t get to paint legs on the Mona Lisa; Mozart didn’t get to write The Divorce of Figaro. Lucas doesn’t get to remodel the Star Wars trilogy as a sequel to a vanity project. George, just take a bow and admire your huge contribution to western civilization. Having said that, I recognize that artists retain rights to their work. So be it. I will honor Lucas’ desire to make another billion dollars on Star Wars by revealing the prequel chapters as prequels. (I should add that I don’t think the prequels are as bad as some people do. They are not nearly as well written, directed, acted, etc. as the original movies, but they are fairly entertaining and answer some questions from the first three movies.)

• Second, I’m not sure I could live with myself if I allowed Dream to be in a position to say “I don’t know Dad, the ones with Luke seem kind of lame. Nothing cool happens during the light saber fights.” Dream deserves better than that, and I worry that kids care too much about the computer graphics. By watching the original trilogy first, Dream will realize that its story is vastly superior to the prequels and won’t be taken by their slickness. It’s the rule of primacy.

• Third, Lucas once said that the big surprise of the original trilogy is that Luke is Darth Vader’s son and that the big surprise of the prequels is that Darth Vader started as an innocent child. To a certain extent, I agree with that analysis. But both surprises are blown by watching the prequels first.

Based on how Dream responds to A New Hope, I’ll move on the Empire Strikes Back, etc. Ideally, it’d be great to do these in six to eight consecutive weekends, but it might stretch out over a couple years.

What I Want Dream to Get Out of It: Dream should be ready to engage in intelligent conversation about this major cultural achievement. That’s the most practical benefit. On top of that, Dream should also really love the franchise, getting caught up in the mythological elements of the sweeping epic. If he or she doesn’t want a light saber after watching Star Wars, I’ll be disappointed.

Be content,
John

Literature Begins Where the Sidewalk Ends

Content: Shel Silverstein

Introduction: Few people actually realize the breadth of Shel Silverstein’s work. He’s primarily remembered for his children’s books like Where the Sidewalk Ends, The Giving Tree, and A Light in the Attic. But his cartoons appeared in Pacific Stars and Stripes while he was in the military, and Playboy published his cartoons for almost 20 years. Do you remember Johnny Cash’s A Boy Named Sue? Shel wrote it. And for those of you who love Newfoundland sea shanties – don’t laugh, I do – Shel also wrote the words that became Great Big Sea’s The Mermaid. So an introduction to Shel Silverstein is really an introduction to poetry, intelligent cartoons, country music, and Newfoundland sea shanties. The sooner the better.

Dream’s Age at Introduction: 5

Reason for That Age: Some might introduce their kids to Silverstein at a younger age, and I have no problems with that. But I think that some of the poems are more appropriate for kids that have a little school experience. And the bittersweet story of The Giving Tree is actually a really sad story. Dream will have lots of questions about it – Why doesn’t the boy feel bad about the tree? Why doesn’t the tree do something about the boy? – and I want him or her to be old enough to appreciate my answer: “Shut up, I’m reading.” (Just kidding.)

What I Want Dream to Get Out of It: Ideally, Dream should find the poems silly and laughable. He or she should laugh at them and want me or Alicia to read them over and over again. After hearing The Giving Tree, I hope Dream will think about sacrifice and the people he or she cares about. I also want this to be one of Dream’s many early positive experiences with poetry.

Be content,
John

The Muppets – Making Legless Pratfalls Look Easy

Checking the status of Matt – erstwhile traveling companion and party to a “Best Man at Each Other’s Wedding” contractual agreement – on Facebook today, I noticed that he had changed his photo to the Swedish Chef. Matt and I share a mild obsession with the Muppets, as do many of our friends. Not only is there great nostaligic value, but the writing is sharp and clever.

We appreciate good writing. Puns, word play, witty repartee… we eat that stuff up. Anything we can quote. And when you have nothing but free time in college to hang out and watch well written movies – I’m looking at you, Godfather and Swingers – you get a lot of quotes.

But the Muppets have a strange pull. Not as inherently quotable as a Caddyshack, not as substantial as West Wing, they are hysterical and memorable for reasons unique among the content that I’m attracted to. As I stated above, the writing is great, filled with wonderful dialogue (“Bear right.” “Frog left.”), brilliant musical numbers, and laugh out loud slapstick comedy. But the players are essentially talking socks. That presents some challenges in terms of connecting with the audience.

For example, the Muppets depend greatly on physical comedy – Miss Piggy knocking people around, characters throwing their arms in the air and running away, dances to the music of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem. But the physicality is a bit odd, if you think about it. Classic physical comedians – Charlie Chaplin, the Three Stooges, Daffy Duck, etc. – have an advantage over the Muppets: full bodies. The physics of a pratfall favor people with legs. But the Muppets nail the weird slapstick every time.

Growing up, this was actually a problem for my mom. One of her more ridiculous maternal proclamations was to forbid me from watching the Muppets when I was 5. She felt Miss Piggy was too violent. Mom – she’s a talking sock. I admit that little kids mimic some forms of violence, but as a parent you have to trust your ability to teach your kids the difference between media and life.

So ironically, I think 5 is just about the perfect age to experience the Muppets. The colorful characters and goofy appearances of Kermit and company catch their attention. The well executed, if strange, physical comedy will delight them and keep them tuned in while they absorb the cultural references and witty dialogue. I consider that the most important part of introducing the Muppets at this age: by exposing Dream Weaver to this level of writing while young, I hope that some of it will sink in. As s/he grows older, s/he will subconsciously look for writing of an equal caliber. The Muppets at this age is an investment in Dream Weaver’s content future.

It’s a future that I hope includes Dream Weaver and me watching some old Muppets episodes with Matt and his kids.

Be content,John